If I were to write a concise, clear, well thought out and well organized essay on "Todd" then you would get the wrong idea. I am not clear. I am not well thought out. I am sloppy and spontaneous in emotion and action. I am also methodical and exacting. My strengths come forth from my contradictions. How is it possible for someone to be an obsessive perfectionist and a carefree easygoing spirit at the same time? I don't know, but it seems to be working for me.

My whole sense of self is a long series of contradictions or conflicting forces. I am an artist without the slightest semblance of rules and an engineer bound by strict guidelines. I am a law-abiding criminal. I am an open, outgoing, repressed, and hidden persona. I am honest and personable and incredibly difficult to get to know. I am happy and melancholy and often ecstatically sad. I love movies. I hate television. I watch both. I am a hypocrite and a fair judge.

Now, with those self-indulgent vaguearities out of the way, I'll move on to the real meat.

I was born on the winter solstice in 1973 in North Carolina where I grew up. I have no accent because I grew up in a college town populated with people from other places. It helped that for the most part my parents also have no accent. Yes, you've heard correctly, North Carolina is a beautiful place. By the time I left at the age of eighteen I hated it. The only things I've missed in the years sense are my family and a few friends. My high school years were not good ones for me. I was filled with angst and self-loathing, which is made evident by my artwork from the time. Fortunately I have essentially shed this emotional baggage and am now able to fondly think of my home state and my earlier years.

Colorado was to follow the South. I set my foot down in Boulder, took a deep breath of clean thin air, visually soaked in the great Rocky mountain range before me, and declared, "This is where I belong". In my brooding North Carolina years I learned to be with myself indoors. I learned self-absorbed hobbies such as drawing and sketching, reading, movie watching, and playing with computers. In Colorado I was to learn how to be with myself outdoors. I learned to rock climb, alone and silent on a cliff face. I took walks in the mountains, quiet in the still, perfect snow, looking out across Colorado to Kansas. I studied tomes of engineering and fine arts in sunlit fields under tinkling aspen trees. I began to run, pumping the thin air into and out of my lungs.

I completed my University study and took a job in Boulder, Colorado, but after six years the magic of the place was routine and my eyes drifted westward. What was on the other side of those great mountains? The silicon gold rush was on and it was time for me to stake my claim. The bleeding edge beckoned to my computer-enhanced passions and I answered the call.

So in February of 1998 I arrived in the Bay Area of Northern California where I proceeded to suffer from culture shock. The Bay is a place so innocently years ahead of the rest of the country in technology for the masses. I had arrived in an adult sized techno-playground. I could go to Fry's and feel the same why I had felt as a child when I walked into my first Toys R Us. I was a country boy in the big city.

North Carolina taught me the self-company of indoor activities. Colorado opened the window for me and pushed me through the door. After a year of suffering from a severe case of workaholism I realized that California was to be my time of learning to be with other people. It was time to crack my shell a little bit more and say "hi". This has been a wonderful thing. Why didn't you all tell me that you were so cool!? The friends I've made, the relationships, the love, the pain, and the joy. I love it all.

For the moment I am very happy with where I am, with who I am. I know I'll continue to grow and fill the world as the world fills me. I look forward to all of the people whom I'll be meeting one day and all the times that I'll spend with the people I've already met. So, who is Todd? Who am I? I'm me. Don't hesitate to say "hi".

                -Todd
                Tuesday, March 27, 2001

P.S. Just the facts please:

1. In July of 2000 I ran my first marathon in Calgary.
2. In September of 1998 I traveled to Ireland for 16 days with 16 wonderful people including several old college buddies. I had the best time of my life.
3. I have also traveled to France, the Soviet Union (when it was still the Soviet Union), Germany for October Fest, London, Mexico, and Canada. I love to travel.
4. I own a small black cat named Yao Qiu who adopted me after I saved her life.
5. My heritage is mostly Scottish with a bit of Irish.
6. I'll add more as I think of them.

Direct comments, suggestions, etc. to todd@toddm.net. Thank you.